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You drive

Since my motivational video marathon last week, my perspective has shifted, but only slightly. I’m looking for something that is going to smash the window that I’m looking at my life through. A window that’s been thick and cloudy lately. All those videos helped remove some of the grime but the window is still there. I want a big empty hole where it was. Like an indoor/outdoor beach house in Guatemala where the living room just sort of fades into the deck. The present, effortlessly connected to the future. The vision, flowing directly into reality.

Yesterday was a Sunday full of family. We like doing that – taking baby F around to visit her grandparents and aunts and uncles. And her fur-cousin, though they’re still getting acquainted. I take heart warming pictures of an 80 year old hand holding a 40 day old hand and send them to people. And I’m so careful to listen to the advice of parents and grandparents during these visits, being the new parent that I am. I ask them questions. Sometimes they provide unsolicited feedback but that’s ok too.

The thing about other people’s opinions is just that – they are other people’s. And the stuff of life is sifting through them. Reacting to these inputs. And deciding things for yourself. In essence, driving yourself. Hanging on to your keys.

The thing about motivational videos is that you’re still sitting on your bed staring at an iPad. In a way, it might as well be That 70’s Show. Or worse, Fuller House. It’s just white noise until something real brings it to life.

How about this. Imagine you were taken hostage in a foreign country and the ransom on your head far exceeded what your family could afford to pay? And your government couldn’t help. And you were kept in captivity, in real and proverbial darkness, tortured and mistreated, for over 400 days? Imagine you survived that ordeal and you returned home and worked with a therapist every day, recovering your spirit and moving forward to eventually share your story with strength, humility and grace. Well, that happened to Amanda Lindhout.

She is a hero. By the way, her mother (the lead negotiator throughout) is also a hero.

And that smashed my window – the self-respect and fortitude that these two women exhibited, owning and elevating that which came their way.

It reminded me that everyone can own and elevate their choices/ circumstances/ relationships/ past/ present/ future/ destiny]. All of it.

You hold the keys. You hang on to them. You drive.

I used to be nervous driving J’s car. My prior driving experience was mainly in practical mid size family cars, usually in suburban neighbourhoods. His has a lot more buttons and a lot more speed. Now I love driving it. Sometimes I take it out just for fun.

That’s connecting to motivation and smashing through the window. And finding some fresh air on the other side.



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