Over the years, clients have shared many career setbacks with me. We’re talking deeply wounding conversations with bosses; surprise terminations; expected terminations; failed projects; missed promotions; etc.
Setbacks aren’t sexy. They don’t sell skincare or win you raises.
But even if they’re outside the frame of your profile photo (and they should be), ignoring them can lead to deferred emotional pain that can persist for a long time. I’ve seen setbacks hold people back for years by warping their perception of themselves and massively impacting their confidence.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Here are three steps for rebounding after a setback to avoid those long festering low feelings and instead, let setbacks go and leap forward.
Step #1: acknowledge the career setback
The first reason so many people carry the baggage of their setback forward is because their protective instincts kick in and prevent them from acknowledging that a setback has occurred.
Rebounding requires acknowledgement. First to yourself, and maybe even to someone else. Here are some things people have said to me when acknowledging the setback:
- Getting terminated has been the hardest and most humiliating thing that has ever happened to me
- I did not realize how important my job title was for my identity, until I walked away from it
- I feel like I am so far behind all of my peers after this
- This is [hard / terrible / embarrassing / difficult / devastating / overwhelming / scary / disempowering / the worst thing that could have happened].
Ya. The Acknowledging part can get pretty dark. But… it’s a setback. Acknowledging it makes it better because in the shadows, all those thoughts and feelings are constantly shapeshifting into new (often worse) forms. Acknowledging them forces them to stand still for a second, step into the light, and be reckoned with properly, which is Step #2.
Step #2: process the career setback
Here’s a fun fact: everyone processes their career setbacks differently. Some people wait for time to fade those thoughts and feelings, but that can take a while.
For the more proactive processers (recommended), some people have one conversation with a friend, others have dozens of conversations with a therapist.
Some people go back to the people involved and speak up for themselves. Others advocate for improving the systems that contributed to the setback. Some write angry letters and burn them. Others channel their energy into mentorship to spread the word about their lessons learned.
The list goes on.
The point is, processing needs to happen. If you’re not sure how to process, try your first idea and see how it goes. If you’re into self-awareness, are open to verbal processing (talking through it), and want to USE your setback as a tool for growth, the right career coach can change the game (get in touch here if that’s you).
Step #3: release the career setback
If this sounds ludicrous, it’s because you have not acknowledged or processed your career setback yet 😉
Once you have done those two essential steps, the release will feel, almost, natural. Seriously.
And releasing the career setback is as much about releasing its hold on you (and the feeling you have of being stuck in it), as it is about releasing the stories you’ve been telling yourself about it.
Here are a few magical reframes I’ve heard spoken in session, that may inspire you into releasing mode:
- This thing that happened doesn’t define me. It may not have anything to do with me (!)
- The learning from this career setback was priceless and I am infinitely wiser now.
- I get to choose how I think and feel about this experience, and what it means for me.
- As a result of this experience, I have [better boundaries / a backbone / new knowledge / stronger relationships / more resilience / better understanding of my self]
- I am grateful for the experience (!!)
Career setbacks happen to everyone. How you come back from them is up to you. If you would like support, career coaching may help. And if you’ve experienced a career setback, what would you add? Comment below or DM me over here and let me know.
I’m cheering you on.
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